So, here we are at the beginning of a new semester. Time to return our babies to their college dorms and start over again as an empty nester. It is not our first time in this drop off lane, however, something is different this time.
Pulling up to his dorm and getting those feels all over again, except, this time, it was way worse! I don’t know if it was all time he spent at home, or the holidays, or the things we did together over the break. Whatever it was, I feel more sad then the first initial drop off back in August.
I knew this was going to happen. I had felt it from the moment I picked him up. This time was going to be different. I needed to cherish every moment that I had with him over the next few weeks. And that’s exactly what I did. I hung out with him as much as a could. We played games, talked, online shopped, decorated the tree, ate meals together, and watched movies. Simply perfect. Almost.
But then, it all had to come to an end. A terribly quick, and very abrupt end. The four weeks flew by. I had to finish up the rest of the laundry and it was time to pack his bags. Again. We loaded the car, seemed like he was taking so much stuff. And off we went. Again.
The car ride is only two and half hours but that is just long enough to dread what happens at the end of it. I try to not spend the whole two and half thinking about how sad I am. I try to get some work done or listen to my latest book on Audible. I try to not think about it.
I mean there are worse things that can be happening, I realize. However, this just feels terrible. All. Over. Again. We unpack the car and help him carry his many bags up to his dorm room. And then the dreaded part comes where we have to hug, and say goodbye. This is the part that hurts. I just want to stand there and hug him all day. Obviously, that’s embarrassing and not going to happen. So, I let go.
Then I get back in the car and watch him turn around and go into his building, where he will live for the next semester. Then drive away to where I live for the next semester. Two and a half hours away. Without him. Again.
So, there you have it. It hurts just as much and maybe a more. I guess, I thought, it would be easier the more I dropped him off. The more I did it, I would just accept that this is the way it is and that is it. But I allowed myself to get comfortable with him being home. I allowed myself to love it actually. He gives my little house so much life.
But now, it’s back to quiet. Just me and the furry ones. We live here in mostly silence. With the exception of the occasional visitor and the hum of the Roomba cleaning up after us. It is just quiet. I mean I can play music and I do. But somehow the silence is peaceful. It allows me to think and focus on what my next steps are in my life.
So, now I must wait for the next break. The next time I will get to pick him up and he will stay for awhile. He will come home a few times between then, for long weekends or previous commitments. But mid-March will be my next long term stay. Then I will have to wait til the semester ends. Thankfully, he will be all done by the end of April. I will not have to wait too much longer. My heart will make it.
Thanks for stopping by! Let me know how your post winter break drop-off was in the comments below. I hope you were able to enjoy time with your kiddo as much as I did.